IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN AN ILLUSION (THE UNTOLD REALITY)

AMINAT.

I pray this letter gets to you, we have been expecting help since from the army, but now our hopes are almost darkened, it should have been a nightmare, or an illusion, or anything far from reality---Oh God, please I don't want to think about this--- I would have been in a university by now, yes, Law 200 level, yes probably 200 level. My family, I wonder if I'm still fresh in their minds or perhaps long forgotten.... No, I shouldn't think about that. I never would have thought my dreams would have been cut short, never had imagined I would be part of this reality. When we were kidnapped, we comforted each other that it would only be for a day, it was a mass kidnapping, the nation will be aware and will soon be on the search for us, but days turned to months and months to years, and years to we don't think we will be rescued again. Our abductors showed us monthly how the whole nation and world cried about us 'Bring Back Our Girls'. It made us glad at first, but soon enough we realized it was just a slogan. Nobody made efforts to come after us, not even our community, anytime one of us escapes or they hear rumors of escape, the security tightens.

We were raped daily, at first I fought, for a month, but then I came to understand what fate was, I'm a sex slave and fighting that fate was useless. After the first three month, about ten of us died, some were shot, some raped to death, and I guess others died of depression. Those deaths made me scared, because I knew it could be me at any time. But now, I live in the comfit of it, expecting death at any time.

Remember how we used to talk about pregnancy, well, it is a common thing now, most of us have given birth now, and pregnant again...... I got pregnant also, and gave birth to a beautiful girl, she looked like my mother, with her pretty nose and eyes, I wanted to keep her so much because of that, so she can remind me of home, but when I glanced into her future.... I had to kill her, I do not feel remorse about doing this, but considering her future as a sex slave and with a terrorized mindset and a helpless mother, I'm happy I have sent her to a better world.

After waiting for over two years in this state, many things has changed, most of the girls here have fallen in love with the soldiers, since they have already had babies for them, you know how it is with females and emotions. Most already think like them, at least, the country doesn't care for them any longer, they have to belong to a place.

Now, I don't know how life will be if we are rescued from this place, we are already accustomed to this place, both physically and emotionally. We would feel like outcast if we are returned to the normal world. I don't even know if there is a reformative institution for people like us, if at all we are rescued.

I live like I'm in the space, most times I find myself talking to myself, I forget about eating, I find myself both in the past and in a future I have planned for myself. I have been separated from others, the truth is, I know I might be losing my mind as others think, but I prefer this state I'm in, than the reality, because this reality sometimes is unspeakable.

This is purely fictional.
Olatubosun Taiwo.